Emerging- hopefully

Sometimes, life can get you down. We've all been there, all cuddled up with a duvet and good DVD and a large bar of chocolate.

But you can't hide under your duvet forever.

I've been huddled beneath mine for far too long, and it's got to change. The first thing that has to change is the way you view yourself, and I see myself as a very negative person- so I decided to do something positive with my time instead of just crossing my fingers that the next interview will be "The One."

You're now reading the blog of a designer. Admittedly, a volunteer designer. But she's a designer volunteering her skills for a charity in the North West aimed at promoting sustainable living. No matter how small, or in what form, I need my creative side to relax, to push myself in an alternative vein for a while. First job, design a pack for volunteers taking part through a local university, including all the inserts, title pages and a cover. I also have to figure out how to re-use old ring-binder files for this purpose too... and those are not easy to make look good.

After I complete that work, they are happy for me to work as a researcher too. This means I'll satisfy the curious part of me as well as develop contacts and gain experience in a wider field.

I'm also back on the hunt for work until I start my course in September (and obviously I'll need work during it as well). My to-do list is getting longer and longer, which is always a good move.

Annoyingly, whatever I apply for my mother turns her nose up at, and if I express any disdain at going on-site with my dad to do some labour he explodes, he thinks I think his work is beneath me. Unfortunately, balancing the expectations and emotions of the two of them is a battle in itself, and not one I can win easily. I think the only solution for me is to get a job that pays even minimum wage. It might not make them happy that I'm not saving the world signle-handedly right now, nor getting up to my armpits in concrete and paving- but at least they'd understand I would be making money and learning more skills.

Local government

Yesterday I spent an hour or so at the local council, discussing the building strategy and the use of various sustainability measurements.

I wanted to see if there was any scope for my exploring a career as a building services manager or architect and soon realised that the constraints and financial directives would drive me round the bend.

Even worse, both of the men who gave up their time to talk to me (buildings energy consultant and a building service manager) were so dejected about the lack of support from the council and government that they had given up trying to push for changes in buildings. They seemed frustrated with the lip-service paid to environmental concerns, the endless beourocracy and general lack of support for their work. They questioned why "Eco-schools" are being built which use more energy than the buildings used to previously house the schools.

I wondered how anybody could achieve anything in local government- these men seemed to have achieved nothing and were apparently unfulfilled in their careers.