2 months in...

... and this job is driving me insane.

Don't get me wrong, I love the thought of kids having fun. I even feel slightly proud that one of my designs has been approved and is going to give some disabled kids a better play experience.

But frankly, approx. £27,000, two dissertations and a short stint on a research team and my boss can't even bring himself to call me anything other than the admin girl?

Geesh.

I have two bosses. One stands over my shoulder and treats me like I'm six and can't do anything right. He springs questions on me relating to the problem I was working on twenty problems ago (two hours maybe?) and looks at me like I need a brain transplant when I ask "which xyz are we on now?" because he jumps between them and fails to explain which he's asking about.

The other just seems passive. He's good at getting the orders and is pleasant to have around but he shows no real commitment to learning the software he bought (and that I got trained in) and shrugs his shoulders and problems on the shop floor.

The works manager seems to have mis-read his job description and lets the lads walk all over him, resulting in him doing most of the work. He then threatens to resign every Monday. Lucky me, I'm always in early and get my ears torn to shreds with his rants about women (how nasty, backstabbing and greedy we are, with the occasional nod to the fact that I might not be) and rants about his boss(es).

I don't really take a lunch break and therefore work 9 hours pretty much straight with occasional wanders down to the kettle.

I'll admit it, I'm going slightly potty.

It's taking my fight out of me.

I honestly do not care that my Uncle has fallen out with me because I hurt his feelings (by being uncomfortable with his sexual relationship with a schoolmate of mine), and I genuinely am just being washed over with the negative attitudes and arguments of my parents.

No wonder I go out and my friend meets a stunning guy whilst I get called a moody cow because I don't find his wingman attractive. Hello, insult much to assume the wingwoman is that desperate?

Anyway, Christmas soon.

I can spend another time of the year remembering how sad and pointless my current existence is, as well as be reminded by my super-duper engineering brother that he's going to single handedly save the world from capitalism.

Waiting...

Currently I'm waiting for my Visiting Researcher pass to gain access to the IT and library systems at uni. I also get a key to, and a desk in, the PhD students room. Okay, it's not paid but it's experience and I'm seeing it as a free learning experience at a top university. I'm happy about the project too, it's all about sustainability and firms doing innovative things with their resources, which is excellent.

I'm struggling a bit on the money front though. I'm temping but I'm lucky if I get a couple of days a week and clearly once my funds start running out next month I'll be in trouble with the Career Development Loan people. My shoes are falling apart yet I can't justify the expense of a new pair, even for my interview next week. I've applied for 12 new part time jobs this week to keep my voluntary going on a little bit longer (despite the fact I've only just started), but past experience leads me to believe I will not be receiving a reply from any of them.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm living in cloud cuckoo land in considering doing a PhD. Where's it going to get me really, other than even more into the "over-qualified" section of job applicants for Greggs. The thought of studying abroad is exhilarating and would clearly be a huge addition to my CV; however if the thought of moving to Glasgow scares me... well it's not the big things. It's the small stuff like public transport in a new area, putting the right bins out, being in the right place at the right time. Silly things. Things normal people don't worry about in life. I guess I'm just a little weird and there's no reason for me to allow that fear to hold me back.

On courses and job-hunting

It's been a while since the last blog post, I've been busy with the course.

I'm loving it; the course is fantastic and seems to have real career prospects afterwards, the people are lovely and the majority of lecturers seem to have a decent regard for human life forms. I feel more like an adult that I did at Derby- yes it was fun, but I always felt a little bit like I was still at school. At Manchester I get responsibilities and expectations placed upon me, but the emphasis is on you taking control. If you miss a lecture it's no skin off their noses, you're the one paying and losing out. As a result, the maturity level is higher.

This makes it sound incredibly uninteresting and lacking in life. In contrast, I have made friends really quickly, I have the chance to experience the attitudes and hear the opinions of a multitude of cultures and nationalities and I still get to hang out with the cool kids and occasionally pass notes during lectures.

Unfortunately, I'm struggling to find a job. Luckily I have some savings but they are dwindling fast. I estimate I can afford 4 months rent if I don't eat, never use any electricity and avoid paying council tax or bus fares.

I've applied for between 40 and 50 jobs over the past few weeks, out of which I have 1 interview which has been cancelled and re-scheduled for next week. It's a bit of a way to go for work but work is work. It's working in a cafe so the pay will be low and the career experience limited unless I can persuade the owners to let me try out my new business skills out on their livlihood. Nah, I won't be holding my breath for that one either.